Smiled for the millionth time
by hopesindreams
Summary: Erin and Jay have no need for words sometimes when things are bad. They know what the other needs. How I wish Voight found out about Linstead...
1. Chapter 1

_I have never ever written FanFic before so don't judge me if you think it's horrible. All through school I was terrible at story writing. I was the grammar Nazi, PE loving, maths nerd._

It had been a tough case, two teenage girls dead and another one with a long road to recovery. Erin was struggling; it reminded her off what could have been. The life she used to lead. She hoped straight into the passenger seat. Jay slid into the driver seat and reached for Erin's left hand. Taking it in his right, he gave it a gentle squeeze as he looked across at her, a sad smile on their faces. Intelligence had solved the case but what had happened to the girls couldn't be undone. Reluctantly, they let go as Jay started the car and drove to Erin's apartment in numb silence. Neither bothered to ask about food for tea, they both knew they couldn't eat. After they reached her apartment, Jay got out of the car, walking to Erin in the passenger seat opening her door and taking her hand. They walked up the stairs to her place hand in hand, neither of them wanting to just stand in the elevator.

Walking through the door they shed their jackets and shoes onto Erin's coat hooks and into the space below. Without a word, they headed straight for Erin's bedroom. The placed their guns and badges in the draws of her bedside tables. Shedding her jeans and shirt, Erin reached for the tee Jay had worn to bed the night before, his scent still lingering on it. After she put it on, she crawled into bed. On the other side of the room, Jay did the same, stripped down into a pair of boxers and crawled into the space beside Erin. Jay reached his arm out across the remaining space between them, pulling Erin into him. He bent his head down and pressed his lips to her forehead. Neither of them had said a single word to each other after they'd left their desks. They didn't need to. No questions, no answers, just the other ones presence.

They knew they would talk tomorrow, but now they just needed to hold each other, be near each other. Erin shifted so that she was resting her head on Jay's chest, her ear over his heart. As she could hear his strong, steady heartbeat, she placed her hand slightly under her face so that she could feel it. She rolled onto her side, curling into his side as Jay intertwined their hands that were resting in between the, moving his other arm so that he could place it on Erin's back, tracing soothing motions onto her back as he felt his chest become damp from Erin's light tears. Eventually, Jay's steady heartbeat and comforting touch lulled Erin into a dreamless sleep, while Jay followed shortly after from the sounds of Erin's even breaths.

Suddenly, the sound of a door opening and closing woke Jay from his slumber. Removing his hand from Erin's back, he quietly opened the drawer and retrieved his gun, hiding or under the covers beside him. Fortunately for Jay, he excelled at faking being asleep while still being able to keep watch. A fear instilled skill that he had never been more grateful for. He looked to the doorway to see the figure of his boss. Sighing in relief, Jay placed the gun back in the bedside table. From the dim light of the entry way he could see the recognition on Voight's face. Slowly as Jay tried to slide from Erin in an attempt to get up and talk to their boss without waking her. She stirred slightly, enough to notice Jay trying to get up but not enough to be completely coherent.  
Then spoke the first words between them all night, "What are you doing?"

"Just getting a drink," he softly replied, not wanting her to stress about their boss, her father figure, standing in the doorway to her bedroom after seeing her curled into his side.  
"Okay," she responded.  
But before Jay could move any further, she continued, "I love you."  
Neither of them had said it to the other before, but they had heavily implied it several times.  
A smile overtook Jay's face, forgetting that Voight was at the door, hearing every word said between them, he responded, "I love you too."  
He knew she probably wouldn't remember even having this conversation in the morning, they knew that had these conversations from times to time, but he was glad he was certain that she feels the same way he feels.  
Remembering why he was getting up, he froze slightly but continued.

Jay's smile never faltered though. The woman of his dreams, the one he loves, loved him back. He crept out of bed and into the kitchen where Voight stood with an unreadable expression on his face.  
Looking at Jay and knowing what he'd just seen and heard between the two detectives, he was at a loss. The woman he loves like his own just confessed her love for her partner. The partner he'd warned about his opinion on in house relationships. Instead of questioning what had happened, he went with the reason he came.  
"How's she doing?" Voight asked Jay.  
"She's struggling," Jay replied quietly, knowing that tomorrow, when they talk about it, it will be hard.  
Voight nodded knowingly.  
An awkward silence set upon the pair, Jay knowing he should talk but not knowing how.

"A couple of months," Jay said knowing he was answering Voight's unasked question.  
"After she joined the task force," Voight assumed.  
With a nod, Jay said, "If you want me to transfer out of the unit, I will. I'd rather stay though."  
Voight stared at Jay, the look on the younger man's face was honest and dead serious and Voight could see that. He could see that he was willing to leave the unit, his friends, their little family just to be with Erin. He thought back over the past few months since Erin has come back, he could tell that the partners relationship was different to what it was before she left but when it came to their work, they almost seemed to have improved. Voight realised it would be worse if he were to split the pair up.  
Shaking his head, Voight knew what he had to say, "You can stay."

Watching the smile take over Jay's face, Voight realised he'd just seen that same smile minutes earlier when Erin had told him that she loved him.  
Jay broke the silence saying, "I don't want to Erin that you know just yet."  
As a look of confusion crossed Voight's face, Jay continued, "Of course I want to tell people about us but right now she's struggling and I don't want to tell her when she's emotional and make her feel like she has to tell everyone if she isn't ready to. I don't want to push her into doing something that she doesn't want to do. She's too important to me to potentially ruin what we could be with something we both might want but not be ready for."  
Voight nodded with growing respect for the man he'd just found in the bed of the woman he loved like a daughter.

Sticking his hand out to Jay, Voight gave the younger man a small smile as Jay responded to the gesture, gripping his hand firmly.  
The small smile on Voight's face looked like a frown in comparison to the smile on Jay's face. He had the approval of the most important person in Erin Lindsay's life and more importantly they didn't fight or argue, Hank Voight just understood that he loved her and he would protect her and comfort her, meaning Erin wouldn't have to choose between them. Not that he would make her, because he knew what Voight meant to her and he couldn't ask her to give up that relationship for him.  
Releasing their hands, Voight headed for the door before he heard Jay call his name.  
"Thank you," it was quiet but Voight could hear how much Jay meant it.  
He nodded, exiting Erin's apartment.

Jay walked back to Erin's bedroom and climbed into bed with her. He smiled again for what felt like the millionth time since Hank Voight entered her apartment, as she curled into his side as she wrapped her arms around him and moved her head to his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and fell back to sleep with a huge smile on his face not knowing what was going to happen but because that the last 20 minutes were the best 20 minutes of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

_I never intended to write a second chapter but you guys are so lovely so I did._

It had been two weeks since Voight found out about them, and Jay knew he had to tell Erin. Sitting on his couch with a bottle of beer and an unopened box of pizza, he waited for Erin to get to his apartment.

Hearing a knock on his door, he got up with nervous excitement. He was just hoping that she wouldn't be mad that he didn't tell her that Voight knew about them and was okay with them.

As he opened the door, Erin could tell that something was up with her boyfriend. She could see that he was excited, nervous and worried, the three emotions written all over his face. He'd been a little bit cagey over the last few days.

Smiling at him, she wrapped her arms around him, a movement he mirrored, before she stretched to give him a quick peck on the lips.

She felt his hold on her tighten before he released one arm and turned, tucking her into his side walking her to the couch. Pulling her down with him, he pulled the pizza box closer opening it and offering her the first piece.

"Ever the gentleman," Erin said as she smiled up at him.

Grinning back, Jay knew this was the moment he needed to tell her. Turning his body, Jay put one leg underneath him while moving his other to be stretched out in front of the couch.

Jay took a deep breathe before starting one of the most important sentences of his life. Erin looked at him with confusion.

"So, I, uh, I don't exactly know how to say this. Well I do but, I, uh," he stuttered.

Shocked by the lack of normal smoothness that oozes from Jay and his nervousness, Erin started to get nervous. She was terrified that Jay would break up with her. She needed to tell him how she felt before it was too late.

"I love you," she blurted out.

She watched as Jay smiled the biggest and most loving smile she'd ever seen.

"I know," Jay smiled, "I love you too."

Smiling back, Erin had to know how he knew that she loved him.

"How did you know that I love you?" she asked.

"Well," he grinned like a Cheshire cat, "a few weeks ago, you told me. Oh, and Voight knows too."

She stared at him in disbelief, Jay's eyes told her that he wasn't lying but Voight knew about them and he hadn't said a thing to her, physical disfigured Jay or transferred him out of Intelligence. And Jay knew that he knew.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she asked.

"Well, I was trying to before you so rudely interrupted me to tell me that you love me," he retorted in the classic Jay Halstead sass that she loves, no malice or anger in his voice, just amusement and love.

Before continuing softly, "it was after a case, the one with the girls, and Voight came by to check on you. I heard him come in, and grabbed my gun. When he walked in, I wasn't sure if I should keep it with me when I got up. Anyway, as I tried to get up, you started talking and Voight heard it all."

"What do you mean 'heard it all?'" she questioned.

"So, when you started professing your love for me, I may have forgotten about Voight standing in the doorway when I said it back. Anyway, when you finally let me out of bed, we talked. He came to see how you were doing. And, it wasn't hard to figure out after our little scene in bed, and you know I'm a horrible liar, I just told him how long we'd been together for. He never looked like he was going to fire me, but I had to tell him that I'd leave Intelligence if it was how it had to be for us to be together," he replied in a combination of sass, love and nervous rambling.

"So why didn't you tell me, why didn't Hank tell me?" she questioned.

"Because I asked him not to. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't wait to get to call you my girlfriend and hold your hand in front of our friends, but it had been a stressful week and I didn't want to put you under that kind of pressure."

With a slightly confused expression, she asked, "What do you mean?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay after everything that happened and I didn't want to make you stressed because you thought that I thought that because Voight knew that I would expect you to want to tell everyone right away and not just have some time for you to adjust to Voight knowing and I just wanted you to not have to deal with more than everything that happened that week and," he began to ramble before he was cut off by Erin's lips on his.

It was only a quick kiss but the smiles on their faces after told the whole story. Jay was glad she wasn't angry. Erin was happy that Voight was okay with her and Jay being together, and that Jay was being the perfect gentleman he always was to her by worrying and protecting about her feelings and knowing her.

She'd usually be angry with someone about trying to protect her feelings, but it was Jay knowing exactly what she needed and sacrificing something she knew he'd be so excited about in order to make sure she would be ready.

"Thank you," she whispered as she pressed her forehead against his.

Wrapping his arm around her, he pulled her so she was tucked into his side, like a mother bird protecting her chick under her wing, leaving her feeling safe in his hold.

Turning on the TV, Erin cuddled into Jay as she took a sip of his barely touched beer, she grinned knowing he would be pouting at her if she looked at his face.

"I love you," he whispered pressing his lips to the top of her head.

"I love you too," she whispered back, like it was their little secret that no one would ever know how much they love each other.


	3. Chapter 3

The morning after Jay had told Erin that Voight knew about and approved of their relationship, the pair walked into the Intelligence office with huge smiles and their witty banter flowing. As Jay walked into the break room, Erin went into Voight's office. Without a word Erin wrapped Voight in a huge hug and whispered a quiet thank you.

"So, he finally told you?" he asked as less of a question and more as a statement.

The smile on her face was all the answer he needed.

"Why did you say that we could date?" she asked.

"What, did you want me to say that you couldn't date or something because I can go tell Halstead right now that I've changed my mind," Voight smirked.

She gave him the same "don't be stupid and answer my question" look that she'd been giving him for nearly 15 years.

"Fine," he walked around his desk to sit in his chair, "I've known you for 15 years Erin, and in all that time, I've never heard you lie when you mumbled things in your sleep. And the look on Jay's face when you told him that you loved him was the same as the same one I've seen in photos of Camille and I. No one else existed in that moment. You two had been different since you came back too, you were better, happier. All we wanted for you was to be happy. And that's all Jay wants for you, he was willing to give everything up for you."

Erin could feel her eyes begin to water. She never wanted to go against Hank Voight, but for Jay she would because he deserved that. He'd treat her like a princess and love her forever if she let him, and she knew that.

"Thank you," she repeated as she left his office.

Walking out the door, she looked over at Jay who was engrossed in a conversation with Mouse and Antonio, but as she was about to look away she noticed him twist his head to face her and give her a quick smile, the smile that was reserved for her and her only. She smiled back as she walked over to her desk noticing the hot cup of coffee sitting in the centre of it. She could only wonder if he could be more perfect to her. Separately, their lives had been rocky but together their lives were simple, two people who loved each other and no matter what happened, they'd protect each other.

Intelligence spent their day catching up on paperwork, and every so often the pair would look up at each other and share secret smiles.

As the couple walked towards the entrance to Molly's, they shared the same nervous excitement in telling the people they spend most of their time with every day. Without words or even a look, they laced their fingers together, automatically smiling at the contact. With one last look between them, they walked into Molly's hand in hand.

Mouse looked up from the groups table to notice them walking in together holding hands and smiled. It would be a lie to say that the whole unit didn't know because Mouse knew. Jay couldn't lie to his friend, and after a like prodding, Jay confessed everything, meaning Mouse knew about the couple long before Voight did, not that Erin was aware of that fact.

Going unnoticed by most people in the bar, including their friends, they walked to the table and Erin slipped in next to Mouse while Jay followed while putting his arm around Erin. Jay affectionately punched Mouse's shoulder with a grin on his face before settling his hand on his girlfriend's arm, while Erin leaned into his side before picking the drinks that their friends had already got for them.

It took the most of the unit about half an hour before they picked up the subtle moments between Erin and Jay. Ruzek, however, took double the time. As soon as he noticed, everyone knew.

"You two," he grinned, "there's something going on here."

All the couple could do was grin at each other before grinning right back at him.

Neither of the pair really wanted to discuss the ins and outs of their relationship, they steered the conversation back to another safe topic.

After a while, everyone apart from Erin, Antonio and Olinsky left the table to get more drinks or chat to others at the bar. Erin knew that she was going to be grilled about her relationship, but she was prepared.

It was Olinsky who started, "I'm going to assume that this had been going on for a while."

Erin nodded.

"And Hank?" Olinsky questioned.

"He knows, and he's okay with it," she smiled before looking over to Jay who almost sensing her attention turned to smile back.

While the clearly in love pair had their eyes locked, the two older detectives just shared a look knowing that nothing could stop them from being together. In all the time Alvin Olinsky had known Erin Lindsay, he'd never seen her look at anyone like she looks at Jay Halstead, not even Charlie. He knew she'd broken hearts before to protect herself but he could see that she would let her heart break before she broke Jay's, and from the look she was getting from her boyfriend, he'd do the same for her.

Jay and Mouse walked back to the trio with drinks in hand. Reaching the table, Jay put his and Erin's drinks down before wrapping an arm around her waist while she leaned into him. She wasn't one for PDA but this was good, it felt natural, warm and safe.

Antonio broke the comfortable silence first, "I was surprised, and I could even tell Al was surprised, but Mouse didn't seem all that surprised."

Jay had a sheepish grin before receiving a raised eyebrow from his girlfriend, "Umm, so maybe I didn't exactly not tell anyone about us. I only told three people though!"

It wasn't like they had explicitly decided that no one would know, but she just assumed that until they were ready to tell Voight, they just wouldn't really share their relationship with anyone.

Noticing Jay getting a little bit antsy with Erin not having responded, Mouse started talking, "Sometimes I wonder how you can work undercover when you're a terrible liar and you can't keep a secret. And I'm assuming Will was one of the people you told, who was the third?"

"Ally," Jay said with a small smile.

Knowing that Jay wouldn't tell Ally about someone unless it was a big deal to him and even with their relationship she was still his best friend, so all Mouse could do was smile. Erin was slightly confused but what Jay had said and Mouse's response, he'd never mentioned an Ally to her, she knew he'd lost his mother and didn't have any sisters so she didn't know who was this girl that's was important enough to him to tell her about them was. Looking at the other two at the table, she could tell Al had no idea but Antonio looked like he was seriously thinking about something.

Antonio looked at Jay and said, "Ally as in..."

But before he could finish his sentence, Jay cut him off with confirmation. Leaving Erin even more confused.

She but the bullet and asked, "So who is Ally?"

"A girl I dated in high school," Jay revealed.

However, Erin was more interested in Antonio and Mouse's responses, like there was more to the story but Jay either didn't want her to know or wasn't ready for her to know. Instead, she just raised her eyebrow at him again.

"Okay, she was _the_ girl I dated in high school. You've seen her before actually," he paused before continuing after seeing Erin's still confused expression, "blonde hair, she stopped by the district last time she was in town."

Erin remembered the girl he was talking about, they seemed very friendly and Jay's coy response had her wondering who she was.

But Jay hadn't finished, knowing if he didn't get it out now, he probably wouldn't be able to later, "She was also Ben Corson's sister."

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Mouse putting his hand on Jay's shoulder and Jay slightly relaxing. She instantly knew why he'd never told her who she was; it was hard for him to talk about. She'd seen him barge into the home of the man who was guilty, not that she knew who he was, and the rage in Jay's eyes, realising that there was more than rage in his eyes, there was heartbreak too. She now knew why she didn't see it; she had no idea why he was so invested in the case, assuming it was the one that got away. Then she remembered not being there for him when Lonnie was murdered, and why would he want to explain that to someone who didn't back him up? So, instead of saying anything, she laced her fingers with his.


End file.
